Agonizing

So, I have 2 bad things going on in my life right now.... hence, probably why for the past 2 days in a row, I have not been able to sleep:

1) my cousin, suffering from breast cancer..... well, she did not get the news we had hoped for.... her cancer further spread and now is infecting both her lung and liver. My family and I are completely devastated, and not really quite sure how to feel. Sad, of course, angry... confused, .... I dunno, I think the word devastated is a good way to reveal that...

2) I told a lie. I usually dont lie, well, because I'm bad at it... and in my story this will ring true: So, their is an enormous population of grad students that go uninsured throughout their schooling (obviously, more people then this deal with this... but this is what my story pertains to).
Ok, so to combat this... my school has decided to have a mandatory school insurance policy, and you needed to submit a waiver by date x/y/08 if you already have an insurance policy... well, SHIT.... I forgot to send in my waiver, as I have a very comprehensive health policy thru my husband. Anyways.... SHIT, so I email this guy... and this is where I get into trouble.... I told him I was out of the country and thats why I sent him my stuff late.... not thinking, who gives a shit... just disenroll me. Apparently, it is not that easy (WTF? Why not?) - cause I was thinking.... oh, he'll read that I have military insurance, maybe he'll believe I went out of the country with my husband for a military vacation.... so, fast forward to today..... so, I I get an email back from him, saying I have to appeal via my Dean, so I emailed her...

Ok, so she asks me to call her on her cell phone (yes, the dean of my college, who is a very busy woman).... and when I talk to her, she tells me that I just need to provide her the dates of when I was out of the country and she'll take care of my appeal.... SHIT-FUCK.... so, I send her some random dates, that I thought were the time this deadline was around.... and then I remembered, that during those bogus days I listed I was out of the country.... I actually met with some faculty at my actual school, with a reservation made for a conference room in my name!!!! Shit, so then I emailed her back saying I gave her the wrong dates (FUCK... how goddamn believable is this story now do ya think??)

Well, it's 4-ish am and I am agonizing over lying to her, that I just sent her an email (not telling the truth about me lying - damn I am pathetic)... but telling her that the reason for me missing the deadline was not a good excuse, and that I didnt think it would be such a big thing to just disenroll someone from this insurance program..... and told her how sorry I was.....

FUCK, what an ass I look like, and she probably thinks I am a big fat liar (cause, well... I am).... This goes to show, dont fucking lie!!! You will get caught, and so how does it look that I lied to the dean of my college? Jeez.... so, in the end... I told her to forget about my appeal, and I will just have to suck it up in the end I guess....

now... parents teach their children not to lie, and this is why....