some bad news

So.... my poor Angela has been battling breast cancer for like 2 years..... she fought it for a few months, and was in remission for just a little while, until her cancer came back with a venegence.

She has a very aggressive form of breast cancer..... and every time we hope and pray that this will be it, we get more bad news.

Her breast cancer has metastasized all the way to her lung and liver.... and this week we got some bad news.

2 of her tumors had stopped growing (which we were excited to hear at least they didn't keep growing), but didn't really shrink at all, and now even 2 more tumors have popped up (I believe in the lung). I have lost count of how many tumors she has now, all from a goddamn lump in her breast!!!!! What's worst is I have lost count of how many different meds she's been on..... and dont even get me started on the physical impact of 5 or 6 chemo rounds each lasting about 6 weeks.... and the financial impact..... dont even get me fucking started, it makes me so upset I get sick over it...

Oh yeah, and did I mention she is a mother of 3: ages ranging from like almost 10 all the way to 1.5 years!!! And she's in her 30's....

I have no idea what to do with my emotions. I am so angry, and so incredibly sad and feel devastated......

as a medical professional, I am completely conflicted. I love it when medicine cures people, but what about those who it just cant cure? I cannot fill a chemo script without feeling sad.... what about the chemo that it is helping? What about all the strides we are making ti curing horrific cancers like leukemia.... I want to be a mother badly, and I think about the chemo that is helping some sweet little boy or girl out there..... but yet, I get drawn back to thinking: FUCK, I hate fucking cancer!!!!

I just..... die inside a little, every time we get our updates. It's always bad news, and it just sickens me....

So, I dunno.... I feel lost, I dont know how to handle my emotions..... when it rains, it pours.

I ask that you pray for my beautiful cousin and her family, and our entire family! Please think of and PRAY for Ryan, Lauren and Luke..... and of course her husband (the best cousin in the whole world) Steve.... this family is still continuing to be as strong as possible.... which amazes me daily.... and I know the only thing keeping amg;s body, mind and spirit going is her precious little ones...

AH, breaks my heart...... I fucking H A T E cancer!!!!!!